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Schlocky Raccoon
“Welcome! Welcome to my little corner of hell, guarded by a hideous raccoon statue I bought at Lawn Ornament World, and then just painted to look like a fox, because by then I was too stoned to Google...
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Rock Me Slowly
Two weeks? To paint “USA” on a rock? Well, I guess those red, white and, blue paints are pretty exotic. That’s a special order right there. Then there’s the trip to Gnomes ‘N Things to pick out just...
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I Got Wood
Nothing says, “Meet me at the glory hole” like a chihuahua leather daddy welcome sign. That shit is hot. I’m moist and alive just looking at it.
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Thanks, Deepak
Yes, you’re going to be dead some day, and so will everyone who ever loved you. So why not start living like you’re dying right now? Go ahead, hook yourself up to an oxygen tank and wait for a kidney.
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They’ve Got Balls
The reason this takes so long is because of the time and attention they put into the face. You want it fast or you want it good?
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Lumber Support
Oh come on! Do people really think they have wood sprites in their kindling? It’s a branch, not the haunted forest of Mirkwood. I can’t believe anyone . . . Wait a second. OMFG
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Chimes and Misdemeanors
Wood, hemp, chunks of metal and a rusty spring. Boy, I bet that makes a beautiful sound. There’s nothing like laying in bed on a summer night, listening to a bunch of shit banging around in a tree. If...
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Crack House
That’s a lot more than the crack. That’s the whole alimentary canal. Also, WOOD AT THE ENTRANCE HOLE
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Equal Paver Equal Work
This Secretary’s Day, why not show your appreciation by giving your secretary a cement paver? Research shows that most working women prefer badly painted lawn decorations over bonuses! Plus it’s fun...
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Lumber Support
Oh come on! Do people really think they have wood sprites in their kindling? It’s a branch, not the haunted forest of Mirkwood. I can’t believe anyone . . . Wait a second. OMFG
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